Replacing Anger with Love

“’It wasn’t easy at first…I’d always believed that God would be there to sustain me if I was ever given a heavy cross to bear. But in the beginning, I felt alone. And abandoned. The God in whom I’d put my trust seemed to have vanished, along with all my hopes and dreams for the future. I called out to Him over and over again, asking for comfort and guidance. Asking why. Yet He seemed deag to my pleading. Finally I got angry and turned away from Him.’…

“’What happened next?’…

“’I stopped searching for answers.’

“Confused, he stared at her. ‘What do you mean?’

“’I stopped asking why.’

“’That’s it?’

“’Yes.’

“’I don’t understand.’

“…’Neither did I. And in the end I realized I never would. That’s my point. The thing is, Keith. God’s ways aren’t our ways. his plans surpass all our understanding. Seeking a logical explanation for what happened to me…it doesn’t make sense to even try. There is no logical, human answer. Only God knows why I was given that cross. Someday, when He and I are face-to-face, I might be given the wisdom to understand. But for now, it’s beyond me. I had to learn to accept without understanding.’

“…’Once I did that, I started to hear His voice again. I suspect it was there all along, but the clamor of my questions—demands, even—was drowning it out. And my anger was blinding me to His presence. you can’t reconnect with a loving God when your heart is filled with rage. So I let it go. And when I did, when I replaced it with love instead, God was waiting to welcome me back. That doesn’t mean it was always smooth sailing after that. Some days were rougher than others. Despair resurfaced on occasion. But over time, it got better. The sorrow over my loss will always be with me. But at least it’s easier to bear with God by my side.”

-Rainbow’s End, by Irene Hannon